Doctor Newandee's Jokes

Joke #1. Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you ?
Patient: I sure did. The bottle said "keep tightly closed."

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Joke #2. "My doctor told me to take something for my cold."
So "What did you take ?"
Patient: I took "His Coat!"

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Joke #3. Wife: Doctor, My husband thinks he's a satellite dish.
Doctor: Don't worry I can cure him.
Wife: I don't want him cured I want you to adjust him so we can get the movie channel.

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Joke #4. Bob went to X-ray technician after swallowing some money. He asked: "Do you see any change in me ?"

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Joke #5. Nurse: Doctor, Doctor the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step. What should I do ?
Doctor: Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving !

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Joke #6. Did you hear about the siamese twins? Everything goes in one ear and out the brother.

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Joke #7. Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He's fully recovered.

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Joke #8. A mother complained to her doctor about her daughters strange eating habits:
"All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?" she asked.
Doctor: "Eventually, she will rise and shine!"

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